Book Review of Love and Sex by Nancy Houston

About the Author:

Nancy Houston is a Christian author and speaker who has spent years addressing the intersections of spirituality, emotional health, and human relationships. With a pastoral and counseling-oriented voice, Houston writes especially to believers who desire healing, wholeness, and a more honest integration of faith and everyday life. Her work often tackles subjects that many Christians feel but rarely talk about openly—making her a trusted guide through difficult, sensitive conversations.

Overview of the Book:

Love and Sex approaches intimacy in marriage not as a technique to be mastered, but as a deeply spiritual issue tied to the condition of the human heart. Rather than offering a clinical or instructional manual, Houston invites readers into a story-shaped exploration of sexuality, brokenness, healing, and redemption.

The book unfolds through parallel conversations. On one side, male characters engage in honest dialogue with spiritual mentors about their confusion, wounds, shame, and misunderstandings surrounding sex. On the other side, a group of women process their own experiences, expectations, disappointments, and hopes. These two storylines eventually converge at a retreat or conference focused on healing—where sexuality and spirituality are finally brought together in the open.

Houston addresses realities many couples carry quietly: past sexual sin, betrayal, pornography, abuse, unmet expectations, and the deep emotional residue these experiences leave behind. The book consistently emphasizes that sexual intimacy cannot be separated from emotional and spiritual health.

Our Thoughts on the Book

My wife and I make it a priority each year to read marriage books together. Occasionally, that means choosing a book that speaks directly to the intimate side of marriage. When we came across Love and Sex by Nancy Houston, we felt it would be a meaningful read—and it was.

One of our biggest takeaways was the author’s insight that most of us never received clear, healthy communication about sex—especially from a spiritual perspective. For many, the topic was treated as taboo. Conversations didn’t happen in our homes, churches, or faith communities. As a result, much of what we learned about intimacy came from secular sources: television, culture, or even more distorted and harmful influences.

That means many people enter marriage with a deeply flawed framework—one driven by flesh, appetite, and the brokenness of others rather than God’s design. Houston courageously steps into that gap, offering language and perspective for understanding sexuality as something spiritual, relational, and redemptive.

We also appreciated how honestly the book acknowledges past brokenness. Some wounds come from sins committed against us; others from sins we have committed ourselves. Love and Sex doesn’t shy away from either reality. Instead, it invites readers to face them with truth, grace, and hope for healing.

Several passages stood out to us:

“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts. If our hearts are closed down and shut off, that impacts how open we are to sharing our bodies with the one we choose to marry.” (p. 18)

Later, Houston highlights the complexity of marital brokenness:

“Your husband may be a wonderful provider, care deeply for his children, love you and love God, and still have a porn addiction and have betrayed you in some way. This is possible because most people cut off the shameful parts of themselves and tuck them away in a hidden compartment.” (p. 98)

And one of the most memorable illustrations involves boundaries:

“Imagine you have a neighbor who never water his lawn. Whenever you turn on your sprinkler system, your water only falls on his lawn. Your grass is turning brown and dying, but your neighbors grass looks great. If you would define the property line a little better, if you would fix the sprinkler system so the water fell on your line, and if you didn’t water his lawn, he would have to live with the dirt. He might not like that after a while. As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his where they belong..” (p. 108)

By the end of the book, the core theme becomes unmistakably clear—and deeply challenging:

“Sex is ultimately about the condition of our hearts.” (pp. 211–212)

Overall, Love and Sex is an honest, pastoral, and necessary conversation for couples who want to understand intimacy not just physically, but spiritually. We found it thoughtful, convicting, and hopeful—and a valuable addition to our ongoing journey of strengthening our marriage.